Q: I’ve been avoiding church because I’m on a low carb diet and I’m afraid to eat the Eucharist.
A: Put on your Sunday best. Anything eaten (or drunk) as part of a religious ceremony is calorie free.
When food is part of a spiritual awakening, a cleansing of sins, a remembrance of our ancestors who toiled to escape slavery, or an offering to whatever deity we put our faith in, the calories are nonexistent. Load up on wafers, pour another glass of sacramental wine, take a second helping of matzoh balls and thank your hosts for the Brahmya-huta. Don’t worry about it, this is an order from God.
Pros: No need to join a church that serves whole grain wafers.
Cons: If you are Hindu and you don’t offer your food up to God before eating it, all sorts of bad sh** goes down.
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