Supermarkets, Grocers and Retail Establishments: Part 2

Q: I love to clip coupons but I feel guilty for buying packaged, processed foods. How do I get over these feelings?
A: Half off? Fifty cents off? Don’t worry, with the lower price comes a lower calorie count.

Another way to save financially and calorically. Clipping coupons is satisfying. It makes us feel better for spending our hard earned money on snack foods and nutrient-deficient fillers. Coupons make each item feel less like a purchase and more like a conquest. You stand before the cash register, accordion file of glossy money savers in hand, you imagine your ancestors, clutching a spear as they silently hunt big game. You, like them, must overpower your prey… and get it for a discount. The amount of calories saved is directly proportional to the amount of money taken off.

Pros: On double coupon days, your food is practically air.

Cons: This can become an obsession. It can also make the people behind you in line very angry. Watch out for flying frozen veggies. Okra throws a mean punch.

Is this an alternate universe?