Illegal Activity: Part 1

Q: If I eat while I’m breaking the law, will I look chunky in my mug shot?

A: Not at all. During the commission of a crime – it’s not food, it’s an accessory.

If you are driving the getaway car for a friend during a bank heist, you may get bored. It takes awhile to rob a bank and you will just be sitting in the car looking all innocent. What better way to further the illusion of innocence than by eating. “I’m not helping anyone rob a bank, I’m just having a car picnic.” Enjoy some chicken nuggets (this is practically why fast food was created), bring along a batch of brownies, you are going to need your energy. Since the food is acting as a distraction, it’s got no calories. Technically you couldn’t help yourself, the food made you do it.

Pros: If you have very slow friends, you could really have a nice meal in the van, calorie free of course.

Cons: If you get arrested and try a defense such as “The cheeseburger made me do it”, you may end up in a cozy, white jacket. Although, plead the Twinkie Defense , and you just might get off.

I'm new to this insanity.