Q: I’m currently serving a prison term and they won’t prepare a special menu for my diet. Should I starve myself?
A: Certainly not! Any food cooked by felons is “diet” food. They stole the calories.
If you do end up in jail, whether it’s due to your bank heist or public nudity at a children’s puppet show, prison food is frequently calorie free. They normally put the non-violent inmates in the kitchen to cook meals. (Something about keeping sadistic killers away from knives). If these inmates were convicted of theft, they probably stole all of the calories from the food. If a murderer does wander into the kitchen to prepare your meatloaf, he (or she) murdered the calories as well so go ahead and indulge.
Pros: Prison food isn’t very good (I assume), so at least it’s not high in calories.
Cons: White collar criminals may have doctored the nutrition panel on the side of the ingredients so it just looks low calorie.
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